Let Her Be A Child
by Marie S Zachary
Summary: Sydney's point of view... reflections after his death about the child he loved as his own daughter and the real reason he gave his life to save Charles


Disclaimer: Nothing is mine

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She mustn't know the sorrow

_It would be an easy assumption to think that I sacrificed my own life because of the fact that I loved Lucie but it wasn't my love for Lucie that caused me to do it. I __**loved **__Lucie a great deal. I still do, but my love for that woman was not enough to cause me to give up my life. No. It was my love for __**Little Lucie.**_

She mustn't know the tears

_I have a secret nobody would ever know. Charles doesn't know. Lucie doesn't know. __**Little Lucie **__certainly doesn't know. Now my secret along with my soul are in the arms of my heavenly father._

Tomorrow mustn't bring her

_I sit back on a cloud and watch __**Little Lucie. **__She is a healthy and a strong girl. She's only seven and thanks to my sacrifice she will be allowed to be __**only **__seven. She won't have to experience the heartbreak of losing her dad. She already lost her baby brother when she was four but she wasn't old enough to understand. _

A future that she fears

_My child… is so happy. She is so healthy. She is blissfully ignorant of my sacrifice. She has wisely been told I was away on a trip. She knew nothing of how permanent my trip was. _

How many now lay crying

_The day Little Lucie was born Charles, Lucie and myself made a vow. __**Nothing **__would __ever__ hurt that child. We heard all the arguments. It was everything to "children have to learn the cold harsh reality" to "we all went through that and we're fine". Lucie cut that last one of by saying "I don't know who 'we all' are but I never went through it and neither will my child!"_

Their Dreams Will Have To Keep

_I went through hoops to keep that vow. You only heard about this one time but I had done it more then once as well. One time that comes to mind in particular was last year. __**Little Lucie **__had only just turned seven. She was playing outside after a long illness._

How many never have a chance

_She was playing with a water hose and by accident squirted MADAME DEFARGE or as I like to call her BUG UP HER ASS DEFARGE. I hated that woman and I probably still would if I were alive. It was in the dead of the night that a banging was heard on the door loud enough to wake the dead. There were two officers at the door. They roughly grabbed __**Little Lucie **__nearly pulling her arms out of her socket._

Tonight, let this one sleep

_It was close to midnight when I got word of what happened. I up and dressed as fast as I could and hired a carriage to take me to where I knew they had taken __**Little Lucie. **__Lucie was hysterical and freaking out. The child had been thrown into a cell in the BASTEEL, ironically 105 North Tower. She would be held there until her trial._

A child is filled with wonder

_I would be damned as hell if I were going to let a 7-year-old stay alone in the BASTEEL. It __**wasn't **__going to happen. _

"_Listen," I said, "I understand you're just doing what you have to do but I can't let her stay alone in the BASTEEL for the night. She's only a child so if you would allow me to stay there with her… I would gladly pay any price you demanded"_

"_It's not my say," the guard said apologetically, "but 700 pounds is the cost"_

Let this one's dreams be blessed

_I gladly paid the price and went inside 105 North Tower where __**Little Lucie **__was sitting in a corner rocking and shivering trying not to cry._

"_You know this is a very special room," I told her._

_She ran over to me and I picked her up holding her close to me._

"_What's going to happen to me," she asked frightened._

"_I'm not going to let anything happen to you," I promised her_

Don't ever let her wonder

_I kept her mind distracted by entertaining her with stories I have heard or came to my mind. Around 3 AM she finally fell asleep on my chest. I didn't sleep at all that night. I was dog tired the next morning but instead of wine (which I normally had) I had coffee. I needed to be awake for the trial._

If GOD might love her less

_Some things aren't spoken… they are just understood. Some things aren't official… they just… are. The tribunneral sentenced this little __**seven-year-old CHILD **__to 25 lashes of the thunderbolt whip. Where they insane! She had been so ill until recently that one lash alone could kill her, not to mention she'd not done anything wrong._

She mustn't know what we know

_"Excuse me," I called out stepping up front, "a moment if you will. Are you aware of the fact that she's only a child? She's seven and she's been quite ill. One lash alone would be detrimental"_

"_Mr. Carton," the president of the tribunneral said, "be that as it may the price must be paid"_

She mustn't be so wise

_I knew what I had to do and there was no way in __**hell **__I was going to have this child see this. _

"_Get her out of the room," I ordered Charles and Lucie who hurried a frightened __**Little Lucie **__out of the room._

"_I agree with you," I said though I really didn't, "that the price must be paid."_

_Nobody would have suspected what I did next. I ripped off my shirt._

There's time enough for her to see

_"You're right that an offense has been committed and you're right that it would be only fair for the price to be paid. I will __**not **__let this child pay the price for being a child on the other hand. If someone must be punished for her wrong-doing let the whip fall upon my back and not hers."_

"_I'm afraid," the president said, "if that were to befall you, you would be punished 3 fold the amount she would have been."_

_I didn't even flinch._

Just let her be a child 

_"I don't care of its 300 fold," I said, "I'd rather bear the punishment ((the very unjust punishment, I thought to myself)) then this child bearing it"_

_They looked at each other and shrugged. One victim was as good as another. The president nodded and the first lash of the whip was so sharp I had to remind myself to breathe. I was pretty hard to do._

For now

_I will not go into detail about every lash of the whip that fell on my back. All you need to know is there was one thing I was thinking for each lash. __**THANK GOD **__it was not the child suffering my fate. Thank GOD it was not __my__ child suffering. She __**was **__my own in more ways then you might know_

She's still so small. She'll never understand

_I couldn't let __**Little Lucie **__see me… not like this. My back was cut to ribbons. I was bleeding like a pig. I couldn't let her suffer the guilt. If would have been hard enough to let my beloved Lucie suffer the guilt… I would not have been able to do so but with __**Little Lucie**__ it is impossible._

How people fail and lives break down

_"Please tell the Mannette family," I instructed the kindest member of the tribunneral and a friend of mine, "that the matter has already been resolved. After that…"_

_I passed out. I spent 9 days in a hospital. Lucie (the woman, not the child) instantly knew what I had done_

And don't turn out 

_I shook my head now as I think about it. The Mannette family… how __ironic__ is it that Charles removed himself so far from the EVERMOUND'S so much so he had taken on the Mannette name and yet still his life had been endangered. The days following the whipping… as I had recovered were greatly rewarding. I had seen through a promise I once made. I didn't know I would have to do so again._

The way you planned

_For those of you who have read Tale of Two Cities there is one part in my letter that has not been written in the book. _

"_Once I have made the promise and once I have kept the promise! Now I am proud and pleased to be able to keep the promise."_

_Charles didn't have a clue what I was talking about but he would know soon enough. He passed out after that._

For now save her the sorrow

_At the moment I knew it was my turn to face the guillotine I felt frightened. It was for a split second alone and I was not frightened about the end of my life. I knew it would come. I was prepared for it to come. It was about knowing that I would no longer be able to protect that child… that was what scared me._

For now save her the tears

_I said a quick prayer as I was strapped and locked to the guillotine. They liked to torment the prisoners and I almost found it humorous that they thought the little bit of pain could torment me. _

"_Any last words," the executioner asked._

"_**It is a far, far better thing I do**__," I began, "then I had ever done. It is a far, far better rest I go to then I have ever known"_

Save grief for somewhere years away just not today not here

_My prayer was that the heavenly father would look after __**Little Lucie. **__I know that I would know longer be around to care for her. I heard a crash. I felt a jolt and then I found myself in a place of peace and calm. I saw the woman I loved so long ago at peace and not suffering as she had once been._

For now let her be lucky

_In heaven I found myself still outside the gates. It wasn't that I didn't deserve to enter… or that I was denied entry—in fact quite the opposite. I was welcomed with open arms. But I had to wait until I knew that the little one was alright. Once I knew that I would be able to move on_

For now look down in grace

_I could see that the child was growing happy and healthy. _

'_Tell her that I had to go away for awhile,' I instructed Lucie in my letter, 'and give her one of these each year until she is 18. It is labeled by year from 8 to 18.'_

_I wondered if 18 was old enough. Should I have waited until she was 21 to tell her?_

Give her time to learn compassion

_I knew I would be there to watch her mile-stones. I would be there at her wedding. I would be holding her hand through the labor when she delivers her children. I'd be there through the joys and the sorrows. She wouldn't see me but I would be there._

Give her time to learn forgiveness

_I hoped she would be able to forgive herself even though I knew it wasn't her fault. I knew __**Little Lucie **__and I knew that she would blame herself. But for now she was blissfully unaware of what was going on. She would be for the next 11 years. With every note I have gotten her a little gift as well._

Help me find the strength to give this gift to her

{10 years later}

_"Sweetheart," Lucie told the little one who was no longer so little on her eighteen birthday, "this is for you"_

_It was the last letter I had written to __**Little Lucie**__. I explained the whole story and then I ended by telling her, "I am always with you. I will always love you. You are my precious child and I didn't die __**because **__of you but because I love you"_


End file.
